


Don't feed it, it will come back

by Tuii



Series: Drabbles [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Drabble, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 12:30:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21253424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: He has lost count of how many times he has had to start over. How many times he has been very near quitting. How many times he has just wanted to throw everything out the window and just crawl to bed and cry. And how at the same time he needs to do this, how he knows that he needs to show everyone, mostly himself, that he can do this





	Don't feed it, it will come back

Even is curled into a weird position on their couch. One would think it would be uncomfortable to sit in that way, but he looks very comfortable sitting there with his notes, laptop and a book. It has taken him some time to find the ways and places he can get things done. How he actually does his uni work instead of just cruising all the weird corners of internet. He usually goes to the Kaffebranneriet nearby, and sits by the window, so he can look at people walking by, when he lifts his eyes from his work. The main thing is that he really gets things done, as he has been stuck for too long now. Or not stuck. Things haven’t been easy for the last few years, and he has fallen behind on his studies. Which is nothing new, but it still hurts and stings. He is so proud of Isak, who is cruising along with his studies, who is actually going to graduate a year sooner than he is supposed to, but at the same time he is jealous. 

He doesn’t tell that to Isak, because he doesn’t want to see or hear what Isak would say. That it’s nothing to be jealous about, that he just has a brain that works differently than Even’s, and that he has been working his ass off to be able to graduate early. It would hurt too much. Even knows that he can do this, that he can also graduate, and that he will graduate even if it took him even more time to do that. That this has nothing to do with his willpower or intelligence. That it has everything to do with his illness. That the last two years have been somewhat of a hell with episodes coming and going and him not being able to do things he had planned. He knows he is too hard on himself, that he needs to cut himself some slack, but at the same time his brain is yelling all kinds of nasty things to him, and it’s hard to not listen to that. 

He has lost count of how many times he has had to start over. How many times he has been very near quitting. How many times he has just wanted to throw everything out the window and just crawl to bed and cry. And how at the same time he needs to do this, how he knows that he needs to show everyone, mostly himself, that he can do this. That this illness doesn’t define who he is or what he can do. It is just hard when you don’t remember words, and you know that it’s partly because of the meds you’re on. Meds you need to take every morning and every evening, so your mood stays somewhat stable, so you can sleep and anxiety doesn’t eat you alive. 

He tries to get back to the book. He reads one line, then he looks up from the book and around the living room. There are so many memories in this room that it’s almost too much. Good and bad ones. It’s the room where they got engaged. Where they had their first fight. And their latest one. Where they have had sex, where they have kissed and hugged, where they have entertained their friends and family. Where they have made plans, plans on how to survive episodes, studies, life in general. Where they decided to keep the kittens. Where they discussed about not wanting kids. Where they were asked to be godfathers to Jonas and Eva’s little baby girl.

Life has been horrible at times. It has also been good for them. Even smiles and turns his eyes to the book, once again. He can do this. He will do this.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you honey Laika_the_husband for being my beta and fixing my spelling and other mistakes.


End file.
